Nov 30, 2011

Into the wild

Confusion, dullness,
 if only they stopped asking what I don't wanna give,
let me go. Relapse time.

Wanna shy away because you remind me of prospective realities, 
and honestly I just wanna dream, alone, far.

I like being that foreign stranger no one knows,
I can wander alone and never being asked who I am or why I live,
 because I'm no one, and I live for nothing, 
but these answers hurt so I don't wanna talk,
 hence if you don't talk my language, I love you.

Alone lies danger, would I survive? 
I guess that's why no one ever let me go.
Hence I'm never asking.

Now I bitterly regret my cowardliness, 
I shall never live incongruently again, 
the sorrow to have to live more is even greater.

Everything has an end, even dreams, even hope, even life.

Nov 25, 2011

I wished I were anywhere else

No I'm never coming back, as hard as it may have been to tell, it's true.
Obviously some people took it personally, and that had made it even harder to explain.
I disliked the place, not the people, but some only.

I'm forever gone. This reality has not dawned yet upon me, fully.
Nonetheless any time I look outside I can't ignore it, I'm not there any more.
I can't feel any relief, though the panic is definitly gone.

My flight instinct has gotten worse, shutting down even the most basic polite goodbye words inside my shy mind. But honestly it's neither the first, nor the last time, I'm afraid.

It's so frightening, any glimpse of an image remind me I lived wrong. And it's no surprise I wish I were you. I'm so sadened to wear all around me memories of what has not meant to be.

And as a reminder of untouchable dreams you've made me cry so much that I felt like hiding away, disapearing, never be seen any more, even by me.
Somehow I want these days to end, now and forever.

You let me see that there is nowhere else, and I want nothing else but to find refuge with you.
Does that mean? '"Rescue me", maybe.

Nov 22, 2011


Singing like a bird, mending my wounds.
Spreading my wings, past aches are gone.
I love the pain I feel as I grow and heal.
I'm therefore free to fly and run, again.
I love that feeling, no I'm hooked actually.
Youth sweetness, softness, carelesness.

I let go of chores and errands, burdens
Stripped from stuff, free of fluff.
Torn contracts, burnt fake promises
Neither lured into bling paradise
Nor fooled into ruthless sharkpools.
Youthful bounty, radiating energy.

Nov 21, 2011

My other half

I lived with you for so long, I can't even remember when.
I tried to gently kiss you goodbye but you are again.
So this time I decided to trash you down the drain.
You robbed my vanity, now you threaten my sanity.
Let me go insane, but don't take me down the limbs.
Numb as your voice, void is rapturing, nothingness.
The more I strip you, the less I feel, lightheaded.
Afraid to let me fly, I am nevertheless free, still alive.


Nov 20, 2011


When everything seem upsetting, 
when I get angry, when I feel only despair,
 if no end arise from my trouble, 
when I'm stuck in lamentations and worries,
 I turn to you.

Lush grasslands
Playful crystal clear rivers
Blue sunny sky
Cathedrals of trees

Nov 19, 2011

Teenage dream

Blue dandelion, his eyes entail passion

Golden sparkle of dawn upon me
Green leaps and hopes of wilderness
Salty deep kisses and lenghty foreplays
Juicy berry candy deep echoing
Skipped heartbeats from his stares
Messy long hair fondling over my neck
Soft bare cheeks stroking my lips
Wanna drop my holed used jeans
And f*ck in sync with loads of guitars


Nov 17, 2011


There are times when I feel like the world belongs to me. There are times when I feel my lucky star is by my side and nothing could possibly go wrong. There are times when I took decisions so lightly that my life seem even not important although these are times when I enjoy it most. There are times when I feel creative, aweful, blissful, lustful, light as a feather, dancing and running all over the world, driven by an insastiable desire to discover, explore and think.
Then is euphoria, some say hypomania.

When do I really fall back onto the dark side of the moon? Why do I sometime recede back into melancholia, apathy, undecideness, some say depression? I recall those times when it happened: period, pill, pregnancy, so it's obviously triggered by progesterone. This might explain why I feared so much not only periods and pregnancy, but mostly progesterone pills. And no I was wrong it's not pain that was the most fearful but that dullness of life, when everything is grey, blurred, tasteless, tiring and scary.

Nov 16, 2011

Path to nihilism

When I feel like giving up, I strive hard to try again.
Love is when outside the naked truth, the bare reality is sharper, but we fear no cut for any blood given as it would not hurt but heal.
Behind a million stars I get no gold and it makes me happier.
Doubting one's own congruence makes one come closer to self.
Ego recedes truly when delusions are washed away by peace.
The more I look at the core, the more I feel, the less I fear, the less I feel like owning.

But when all is gone I allways wonder why leaving something, one thing, anything about me?

Nov 8, 2011

self limitations

I used to make vows: never get into debt, never smoke nor use drugs, don't drink alcohol, don't drive, never fool. These are my taboos.

I was reminded why it helped forge who I am, free, by this little quote:
"freedom lies in self limitation".

Indeed since I started my minimalist journey I have given up so many things by limitating my wants.
Actually it started with material possessions, it turned to financial aspirations, then my mind bysiness receded and my attention got focused on a few desirable topic.

At some point I had stripped so much from my outer clutter that I could see very clear inside.
Suddenly my lifestyle changed dramatically and my own body too.

Nov 3, 2011


That ability is quite confortable: fast learner, good imitator, we fit well in most settings, if only we don't put bad mood into it.
The chameleon can seem to be anything as long as the model taken as a miror is flattering.

But the more the game lasts the more we risk to loose ourselves. After years of playing the best student, the model employee, the devoted wife, the sucessful enterpreneur, who are we?
The desire to know more is never far from spying, the urge to control so close to manipulating, and the weak too easily fooled.

Any power is dangerous when not neatly focused on a wise use. A deep self introspection is required to remain true to ourselves. The most powerful brain we have, the longest meditation we have to perform.